I know many of us are wondering how Syracuse football will be next year under the new head coach Doug Marrone. I have a poll on the page and many seem optimistic but some still seem uncertain. So in looking at that, I thought I would try to help which is why I decided to ask a psychic. Not just any psychic mind you but one very familiar with Syracuse who is actually a former student who burned out after only a couple years on campus.
His name is Oscar Terrance Theodore Omanishitz and he says he can help provide valuable information about the school and its athletic programs with a specialty in football. When I spoke with him earlier, he seemed a bit excited for the chance to talk about the Orange but also a bit, how shall I say this, not in the best frame of mind. Regardless of this, I was curious to see what he had to say and thought I would share it with you. If it turns out he is close to correct, I may just have my spies track him down on Erie Blvd again and get some more nuggets of advice for us all. Anyway, here is the transcript of our conversation as it happened earlier today.
Me: Hello Oscar, how are you today? I have been told you have a certain knack in foretelling events that surround Syracuse University, is this true?
Oscar: I am as lovely as a clear sky on a moonlit night as the angels sing to me.
It is true that I do occasionally have visions that surround that school that I formerly attended before I found out that not all natural herbs were acceptable on campus. I was simply feeding off of God’s many blessings he bestowed upon the Earth and doing my best to replant to help the greenhouse effect I was so often lectured about.
Me: Anyway, Oscar, can we please get to these visions that you see. How does this work? Do you use tarot cards or leaves or what?
Oscar: No man, I just see visions. For instance, I can tell you that I have numbers just rolling around in my heard right now with Orange colors. I would say the lucky numbers for football 1,2,3, 24,47,97 and 5 though the visions are cheering for 5 and it is not shaped like a jersey so that may be the total of wins this season.
Me: So you are saying Mike Williams (1), Greg Paulus (2), Delone Carter (3), Max Suter (24), Rob Long (47), and Arthur Jones (97) are the lucky numbers for this year and that the team will win 5 games this season?
Oscar: Yes, I think so. Of course, it is also possible that those were in fact the lotto numbers from last night still stuck in my head.
Me: Well, what do you think of the new head coach Doug Marrone?
Oscar: Ah yes, the prodigal son has returned. I can tell you that Coach Doug Marrone is in fact a Leo. Leo’s tend to be bossy and intolerant but also faithful, broad minded, generous and creative, which judging by last year’s record, he will need to be very creative to avoid those horrendous numbers. I have not seen such low numbers since my sophomore year when I took political science and that communist professor found my theories on the moon landing being a fake to be insulting and I showed him right then and there a real moon after answering only one question on the exam.
Me: Well OK then. Are there any teams you think we should be worried about this season?
Oscar: Lions, Tigers and Bears, oh my.
Me: Well we do have the Nittany Lions on the schedule as well as the Bearcats, Black Bears (Maine), and I am not sure what a Wildcat is but that could be a tiger of sorts. We should fear Maine though, really?
Oscar: Heed my warning no matter how silly the task. But worry not, for there will be success with such themes as the Zippers, the Gophers, the Cardinals, the Mountaineers and those Knights of the Round Table.
Me: You mean the Akron Zips and the Rutgers Scarlet Knights?
Oscar: Do not question my logic though yes, I think that is exactly what I meant. The season will start with a big bang and the fans will embrace more than just their beer bongs after their first game this season. I must run shortly, do you have any other issues I may help you with before I go?
Me: One more question I guess and then I will let you enjoy the view of the Syracuse streets as I hear you love to roam them shouting your prophecies on a daily basis. My cousin told me one time you stopped him to tell of a certain Axe man terrorizing the area only to find out his radio had Brent Axe on, causing you to flip out, calling him the Voice of the Orange Evil simply because you blame him for Coach Pasqualoni being fired. Anyway, do you think the fans will be more active now that there is a new coach in place and the hope exists that this program can return to its prominence among college football‘s elite?
Oscar: First off, that man is pure evil and just because I listen to his show every day on ESPN Radio 1260 WNSS does not make me a hypocrite. I listen to keep data for one day when I call in and call him out for his outrageous antics.
Now, the question you asked is, if you build it, will they come? Yes, I fully expect a very packed house for the first game and that momentum from the win will carry those drunk co-eds into a great season watching the improvement on the field, at least those who will be sober long enough to see it. The locals will come back and proclaim this their team again without hiding behind those bags that covered their faces. This team will no longer be the laughing stock of cable broadcasters but instill pride back into a program with a rich history. I foresee an Orange Out for football this season and think it will be the Rutgers game but I am a bit blurry on that one but it may be the herb helping that one, I have been smoking for quite a few hours now.
Me: Well, I guess we will see how good you are soon enough, thank you for your time and maybe we can chat again sometime in the near future. Please go back and enjoy the scenery of Euclid Avenue, Bridge Street and Erie Boulevard with your Orange pride showing through.
Oscar: You are very welcome. Anytime you want to know about anything Syracuse related, please let me know. I can see a lot of things in the future and I can be very helpful.
And stay away from the Axeman as he is a danger to our streets and the minds of our children. One day I will find the right ammunition and call in and show him to be the fraud I know him to be.
The moon has reached its apex now though and I must make haste, I have an appointment before it disappears. I do not believe in fuel operated vehicles so my Schwinn and I must get a move on if we hope to make it on time. May there be a glorious peace within all of you (and if not, drink another beer and you will be at peace soon enough) and Go Orange.
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